a penny

2006-06-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

Well! This one is uber old .. but it has been hectic lately and i was unable to sit down a write something about it. We loaded ourselves unto the subway and headed off to SEOUL LAND DUN DUN DUN DAAAAAAAA!

Well for thos eof you who don't know, Seoul land happens to be one of three major amusmement parks in Korea. They pack in all sorts of neat rides and attractions.. including a "SKY DROP" and a couple roller coasters.

Before making oursleves ot the park We stopped to take some lovely photos with the Cherry blossoms, pretending that Lauren and robert were in Love.

Then for the cousin photo opportunity! We are cute ones !
Once inside the gates it was like magic! The music, the giant creatures, the flowers...oh it was going to be a glorious day!
Robert and Lauren being in love once again. Sarah and Lauren also taking a photo op!

HAHAH this picture is funny, because not only did I take a picture of Robert and Lauren in the Cinderella carriage, but so did like three other Koreans! So funny:)
Enough with the puttering around..we were off tot he flume ride. Due to the fact that we were REALLY altogether too excited about the whole adventure we scream and laughed hysterically throught he ride that lasted about a min.. yeah really cool!
As the evening went on, it was brought to our attention that Robert had never been on a roller coaster...and so here is robert with fear and trembling..attempting his first feat. He liked it so much that we had to beg him not to do the sky drop (a bungee jump).. he became a thrill seeker over night!
We found ourself a chicken and beer tent and sat ourselves down for a bite.

We finished the day off with a dance competition, like any self respecting amusement park goer...
The game won.

2006-06-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

MISSION: BEACH!

For about one month now it has been about 30 degrees everyday, and so Lauren and I both loving the sun, and having not learned our burning lesson from Thailand - have been CRAVING a beach. Now we live on the north eastern part of Korea, and well it is common knowledge that the good beaches are south east... pretty much the opposite of where we are located. However with high hopes we thought we'd give beach hunting a chance. I talked to my co teacher and she hesitantly suggested a beach about an hour from our house.
So Saturday morning we awake to the sun shinning and packed up our stuff, and headed to the bus stop! As the story goes, the bus was suppose ot take us directly to this beach. We were stoked! We rode on this little bus for about an hour, in and out of placces.. perhaps buses shoudl not go... small and country places, perhaps there isn't a road places... and then TADA-- we landed at the last stop Jebudo Island!
We jumped off the bus and chose a direction and began to walk. As we got closer to the "water" we realized that there WASN'T ANY WATER! The irony almost killed me. We stood there in awe of the long streches of sea bottom.....on forever a desert of muck and seashells.

Trying to find the good in this situation we sta ourselves down, on our private beach..imagine no one wantingt o share in this beach experience, and we sun bathed ourselves. After a while the stillness of this beach became curious to us both..it was strange to not hear the waves... I got up and started to walk around to see what i coudl find.... maybe the water was hiding?

Nope! No water. So we lovingly named this place "No water beach." I returned to see Lauren jumping up and down on her dry beach hollaring BABY KANGAROO and throwing seashells into the bushes. I was sure that the desolation of the beach had gotten to her!

As you can see she was rather convinced by the baby Kangaroo, and when I asked her what she was really doing - she persisted BABY KANGROO!

hahah sure enough...a creature was lurking in the woods: Very small and in the middle of the pic!Lauren being sad because thats what you do at a beach with no water when you baby kangaroo escapes.
This is a lovely photo of me embracing the waterless and now kangarooless beach.
We the noticed that people we driving across a small road built over the empty waterless seafloor. We hopped a bus and went to check it out. Turns out we drove to Jebudo Island..however.. there wasn't any water surrounding this island... so perhaps it wasn't an island.

It was there that managed to find one puddle and get my self stuck in it! haha .. so we lovingly named this place "some water beach!"

In rebellion and fear of the little water found.. Lauren climbed a rock!

With that we decided it was time to go home! And away we went. On to new beaches!

The end!

2006-06-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

The BUSAN ADVENTURE.
So Lauren and I got it in our heads that we shoudl travel down to the second biggest city in Korea, Busan. We had heard many a good thing about this city, including the fact that it is a lot more chill than Seoul..and to be honest I needed a break from the "go- go go!" I'm a country girl!

So after buying the wrong tickets and standing on a very crowded train for many too many hours we landed in Busan land: I was sooo excited I danced the whole way down the stairs!

We walked down the stairs to the beat of a monks drum and walked among the gentelmen sleeping in the park. I chased some pigeons...however I don't have a picture of that:)

This large tower would be a Budhist (starting with an s)....STUPA! ahah I remembered! IT's decorated with pink paper laterns..This pic was taken the same weekend as budda's birthday!

We got ourseleves situated at a near by" love hotel." Now, Love hotels are these cheesy might I add, sketchy hotels for about 15 CAD a night. As you can see we made ourselves comfortable in our hot pink rotataing beds:

We then decided we should all make ourselves comfortable in this lovely bed. Oh Korea !

Being tired out from the fun that can be had dancing downs tairs and playing in "Love hotels" we made out way to the beach where i was distracted by the multiple tanks of strange fish like creatures. I felt none would satidfy my hunger..since they were all swimming..and opted for some street food.

This delicious thing that I cannot pronouce is filled with sugar and cinnamin, and is really really hot! SOO GOOD!

We arrived at Hyundai beach and plunked our butts down to take in some well deserved relaxation. We hung out here until it was dark...thats when they turned on GIANT lights and the moon with is stars were hidden.. but the sounds of the ocean made me happy.

The next morning we allplanned to hit the beach full force, but mother nature had another plans and instead we walked about looking like this all day long. hahahh We happened to find ourselves a monsoon. special.

Determinded! We still hit the beach. The rain continued for no lie:24 hours!

We awoke the next day to find sunny skies and all that is ironic.. we boarded our train (seats this time) and headed back to Seoul! This is a pic of the Hann river and a part of Seoul.. lovely isn't it?

These are farming fields near Busan.... The country side is beautiful!
And that my friends was the Busan Adventure!

2006-04-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

Now that the sun is shining over here in Korea land... I have found myself playing outside with my dear Lauren. We lead a charming life really. I must say that with the obstacles overcome (I'm sure there will be more), and the adjustments having been made- we have started to think of Gunpo city as home.

Yesterday after work, Lauren came trouncing through the door squawking about this tree that had to be seen. She said that on the way to work the other day - she was floored by it's beauty. God is the great artist. So she convinced me that I must leave my place of hibernation and explore this tree with her.

We trundled down the road in between cherry blossoms and Chinese lanterns...to the tree! It was the most beautiful Magnolia I had ever seen. It was big and beautiful and white and full..and conveniently growing beside a fence, I was sure we could climb. So with very little encouragement Lauren started her way up the fence, to get a closer look at this blooming beauty. Now, it's not like we don't get enough attention, but please picture two white girls(I mention our skin color often, because we are separated on the basis of it) on the side of a busy highway, one hoisting the other onto a fence. Ovey. It's a wonder we were not arrested. Anyways.. once on top of the fence to photo shoot began.
Glorious.

Once I coaxed laur down off the wall (she was fond of both the wall and the tree) she and I walked over to the local bakery where we weekly pick up our homemade bread (charmed life). I spotted a path, and Lauren was sure she knew where it lead.. so we went on yet another, (are you surprised?) adventure. This path was lined with blooming cherry trees, chirping birds and there was even a sign warning us not to burn down their solace. The sign cracked us up, because it was white folks from the 50's burning the park down on the sign(see below).

We finished our strolling, bread buying fence climbing adventure off with smoothies from a small health store near our house, and went home to do Yoga(with our personal instructor..and if by personal I mean video..then yes).

And... today I am sore. My winter bones are angry with my spring fever.

2006-04-10T18:43:00.000-07:00

Spring time in Korea!!! Lauren and I shipped off to Yeudio Park to catch some of the sights and sounds of spring. We found this tree. We liked it. We took a picture of it. Then....

Being the self respecting country girls that we are, in a city of 11 million we plunked down under this tree and layed in the "almost" grass and throughly enjoyed our first korean smoggy spring day.

However the adventure did not end there....

Lauren sat amongst the flowers (obviously we were pretending to be English elves)... then it had (clearly) been too much excitment- so we opted to leave....however little did we know..the excitement had just begun!

As we wondered along after our afternoon of playing with blossoms...we found a PALACE.

Spring time in the ancient Josan dynasty

This tree wanted a photograph with me (really who wouldn't?)

Palace blossoms!

The looking and wandering (squacking...perhaps my and laurens new hobby) through ancient palaces made for a devine day..however it was time to go...

look there I am leaving

We started to cross the road to finish off our adventure..but little did we know...our adventure was not through(even).

When we started to cross the road, happy little english people we are-- we were stopped by the korean traffic man...dun dun dahhhhh

WE WERE TRAPPED on a small traffic island!

NOOOOOOOOOOO
TRAPPPPPPEEEDDDDDDDD! A photo of me coming to grips with our situation

I was not alone in my distress. Lauren felt the pressure on our traffic island. I was clearly loosing my mind behind her.

Finally we were freed from our island in the intersection and we could head on home for a classic layin low night in Gunpo city.

Not before swinging off of lamp posts, and taking a picture of the "AUTO TOLIET" which talks to you as you pee. hahah

The End!

2006-04-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

Random left out but oh-so wonderful pictures of doom!
Sarah (oh..I am slowly going crazy....)

Lauren (she is too)

Nate(dealing with Lauren and Sarah)

My birthday Pineapple and Icecream!

Kitchen (in all it's glory)

Me in Bathroom (Charming I know)

Bathroom

Veiw from the front door

Pics of Christmas!

2006-04-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Remember the rainy day from before...in starbucks?
Here we are!
Robert and Sarah
Lauren and Sarah
In Seoul Drinking coffee!

2006-04-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

Yippie!

Yippie Number one: I was accepted to Tyndale seminary!
Yippie Number two: I'm coming home for Ben Bokma's wedding (June 6th-June 11th)!
Yippie Number three: I'm a groomswoman (pssshhhaw...stoked)!
Yippie Number Four: The dress for the wedding is the same as the one I wore to Nicole's Wedding....REWEAR!!!
Yippie Number Five: I heart Canada

So today I taught a culture lesson to my grade fives on "personal space." The joys of being a teacher. Everyday my students come roaring into my class in a storm of ninja kicks, laughter, screams (do they ever love to scream)all singing a chorus of HEEELOWW TEEACHHAAAA SSSAAALAAAAA!!!

And everyday, I sit quietly awaiting their booming introduction, and brace myself for the attack. Not one, not three, but daily, 40 students encircle my desk and giggle shyly at their inability to say anything to me. They are fascinated by my "Clean neck" (Perhaps white is what they mean?) and my blue eyes, asking questions (as they stare at me curiously) Teachaaa your eyes blue?.
Now this invasion of my space would be completely welcomed if there were any space to welcome them into. I am encircled, completely covered, climbing, crawling, poking, pushing laughing, touching, covered with students. Reading my emails, taking my coffee(brave souls), picking up random objects and naming them in English for me. Pen? Book? Stapler? Paper?

I smile (on the outside, and probably somewhere deep inside as well.) However, my North American, Canadian, wide open spaces, room to think and breath - personal space has been stolen and I am slipping into a state of shock. I hold on for as long as I can, with out discouraging these little English learning cherubs, and then with one swoop of my arms- I leap from my desk and run to seek cover with my co-teacher. Standing behind her, I am safe- they will not explore my ears, eyes, neck, papers, pens or books any longer.

So after my space had been stolen for the 5th time that day, in the second week of my seventh month here, I decided it was time for a lesson on cultural differences!

I drew a map. I drew small small small Korea, and large large large Canada. They agreed on my scaled drawings...however as a class we decided both countries were great. I showed them that there are many people in Canada, and that there are many people in Korea. I then showed them, that in Canada (b/c it's bigger), we are used to having more space. In Korea, it's smaller (one city holding 11 million people) they are used to sharing space differently.

When it was all said and done they were pretending to be in boxes as mimes. They understood the concept of my invisible barriers of personal space..and were having a good time making fun of them:) It was so cute.

They thought it was strange. They just couldn't understand, if the space was there, why it couldn’t be used. This is coming from a people who use every nook and cranny to it's best ability. They have basketball courts on roof tops, and gardens (full gardens) in city ditches. A corner that would be used for storing cardboard in a grocery store in Canada, is where they sell the flowers (under the escalator, enough space to walk in, buy the flower and walk out backwards(no space to turn)).

My invisible barriers fascinated them. And with thought, now fascinate me.

I went to a movie with a couple of the youth I am working with at Saejewang church. While traveling on the subway they asked me what I found most difficult to adjust to, upon arriving in Korea. I answered their question with "personal space." Simultaneously, they all took one step away from me :) I had no choice but to laugh.

Oh the blessings of space. The ingenious of using what you have. The joy that can be gained when one takes the time to understand and be understood. There is nothing that will bless your heart like 40 grade five students mocking you as small mimes stuck in boxes.

2006-04-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

So last night I had a conversation with my father about traveling, staying, moving, buying, selling, selling out, and buying in...And well at the end of the whole thing I cried a little.

I have always considered myself to be a strong person. I have not always thought myself to be beautiful, intelligent, charming, good smelling or wise-- but I have always felt my back bone was strong, and my ability to survive was more than innate.

Now my strength has always been relative to necessity. If I am alone, I can deal with the spider on my wall- however if Stewart was asleep in the next room, I was apt to wake him for assistance. I would hand him a book or shoe and turn away with fear. If faced with that very same spider in the presence of my sisters, I would have stepped up and saved the day (uncomfortably...but done).

There have been days here where I have felt myself step up, take on that spider, and accomplish the tasks needed. I was strong, because I had to be strong. I survived because I had the will to survive. I played charades with the woman who came to check my propane, because I needed propane. C'est la vie.

Last night, momentarily, on the phone with my father- I no longer needed to be strong. There were no propane ladies to deal with, no sisters to role model to, no classes to teach, or taxi drivers to communicate with. I sat there and wept. Big bad and brave Sarah (ha-ha) could crawl into her father's lap, if only for a moment, and be protected.

I am thankful that I can crawl into my fathers lap. He sends me coffee and prescriptions- does my taxes, and ships me off to the ends of the earth for God's service. He taught me his strength, and given me his legs (when mom was voted hottest legs in school), however I did get his hair (great hair at that).

My heavenly father taught me a lesson, using my earthly father last night. They are both available, always, to be strength in my life. They both don't mind if I crawl into their laps and cry, if only for a moment. My earthy father's belief in me incubates my slow and steady growth, while my belief in my heavenly father gives me life to strengthen.

Phil 4:13 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength

Nathaniel and Dad

2006-04-01T06:25:00.000-08:00

Sarah's Last year at a glance!
Well it has been quite a year, and I am one incredibaly blessed girl for all that I have been apart of, and all that I've seen!
Today, Lauren myself and cousin Robert - met up to go walking in the rain, in downtown Seoul. While trapsing around Seoul, being the only folks without umbreallas (Korean people melt when wet)
- we decided to take shelter in the local Starbucks (amen!) and dry off! While sitting and enjoying our cofees, i took a moment to recognize where I was, and how exactly it was that i was brought to that very moment. IN my quite recollections, I realized that I have not lived at home (canada) since last May! What have I been up to? Well here is a photo diary of my year!

Graduation:2005-2006! Bachelor of Arts Joint Major English and Psychology:) This lovely pic, muhahahah made the cover of the alumni mag! Pretty cool eh?

After grad I met up with some friends and we drove from British Columbia to California, enjoyignt he western coast, random adventures, and all the blessings that come from travelling with those you love. ONce arriving in California we geared up for nine weeks in Covelo with SSP.

Here is my entire staff...minus the photo taker, Julie-

Hali and I grooving after a hard day on site! Always on the floor:) Perhaps prep for Korea?

After spending many a day working with young people in the sun, the sun got to mne head and I fell in love with this bloke...Nathaniel Spinney entered the scene...and we shipped it home to Nova Scotia for a couple weeks before I left for Korea.

But not before I got a tattoo! It's the trinity, in the form of a celtic knot..it hurt. I love it.

Once arriving in Korea many a new adventure began, travel, miscommunication, self discovery and silence. This is a walk way @ Gyenogabunk palace in Seoul!

My partner in crime...and in notcrime:)(We live in a very small apartment and have spent every day of the last seven months together..and still like each other!)

Mom sent a parcel @ Christmas to uphold her wonderful (cough cough) tradition of wearing HALARIOUS pj's on Christmas eve...and sucked Lauren and Nate into her tradition...across the ocean (Nate came for Christmas!!)

We all settled in for a western Christmas dinner:)

Once Nate was out, we started counting down for Thailand!
On our plane...we took the first pic of our trip!

Once in Thailand we travelled about seeing what we could with little to no worries about anything, but our next adventure! We are on a ferry between the main land and koh Samui here!

On our last night in Thailand Lauren and I headed to the beach to watch the sun set and eat icecream!

And here we are even though the pic says it was taken in 2004!

I love you all! Can't wait to see you soon! Many Blessings from Korea!

2006-03-30T18:38:00.000-08:00

Korea Pics!

Here are a few pics from the last couple of months!!!!
My city from the Mountain behind me house!

This is traditional housing, but with the growth of people in the country they have been bulldozing these and building skyscraper apartments as seen in the pic above!

Fall Via a Buddhist Temple

Christmas with Nate and Lauren

2006-03-30T15:41:00.000-08:00

"SSP has been providing life-changing service experiences for young people for thirty years in which young people learn first-hand the joys of Christian service to others. Most of our projects take place on Indian reservations, where youth spend their days repairing homes and their evenings in worship, discussion and recreation. We also operate a home-repair project in the City of Los Angeles and two home-building projects in Honduras.

We are an independent, interdenominational Christian organization affiliated with the United Methodist Church"http://www.sierraserviceproject.org/

Having worked for SSP for the past two summers, I felt that y'all should know what it's about! SSP is a riot. It's the sleeping on the floor, eating camp food, and running around with 70+ youth all summer long kind of riot.

I applied to SSP on a whim. I had been praying for a job that was both spiritually anchoring, but service oriented. I bombed my interview (oh did I ever), almost skipped my last stage of the process, but again, my performance (initially) would not play a role in this adventure. I was intended to work with this project! I was accepted into the program (by the grace of God?); I shipped myself off to California as the first international player with Sierra Service Projects.

Upon arriving- haha well I was a tad overwhelmed. There were songs to learn, practices to follow, traditions to uphold...and a job to do! We were heading to Owhyee, Duck Valley Nevada. We lived in the MIDDLE OF NO WHERE. If you think you have been to "nowhere," and it wasn't Duck Valley--- stand to be corrected. We lived and worked on a Indian reservation, where if you stood in the middle and chose a direction…you could drive for days…and end up....closer to somewhere, but still no where.
There was one store on the reservation; it was an old fashioned painted red, westerner cafe. It stood proudly across the road from our school, and boasted about it’s Indian Tacos. The tables were covered with plastic checkered picnic cloths, and the wall covered in local rodeos pictures, of the last real cowboys.

As a staff, we ran a camp for hundreds of students, fixed 30 houses on the rez, and managed to fall deeper in love with our Lord, service and each other. Of course, we all got the stomach flu, chased tarps during rain and windstorms, and ordered the wrong color paint. We didn't really sleep, and fought off Flocks of mosquitoes-- but when I ask my staff about Owyhee, that is not what they remember. Funny how it all works out.

Upon returning to SSP, the staffs change, the campers change, the location changes, but the spirit remains. This past summer I has the joy of living and working on the Round Vally Reservation in Covelo, Northern California. We spent nine weeks getting to know our community, loving our campers, unplugging toilets, sleeping outside, inside…where ever there was room, feeding the community with a breakfast program…and reading foolish children’s stories to 16years olds before they fall asleep at night.

hahah...oh how I love it!

This summer I will not be able to attend SSP, because, well I am serving in Korea, however I will be back! Now, I didn't realize how personal this ministry had become to me, until I listened to old staff chat about their new sites, and adventures that they anticipate. I recognize a call in my heart for this type of service. It's simple, based on love--- in my opinion it needs to move north. Perhaps I'll pray about dreaming for God. I believe Canadian Native American reservations could benefit from this sort of service.

Just had to gush...check out the website--it's an incredible program

2006-03-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

Sick and Tired!

As of late I have been working with a church in Pyeongcheon. The church is GINORMOUS, but the ministry that I am associated with is very very small. I have been blessed with a small bible study with Korean teenagers. Now, teaching ANYTHING, let alone the bible to a person in their second language is not an easy task. We have a great time trying to figure each other out. I am quite an impressive player of charades, and my pictionary skills are second to none! (if I do say so myself:))

With that pat on the back, I will assert, thatI started teaching this study with a humble disposition. I was unsure, and quiet (I know I know, am I ever quiet?). As the Sunday's progressed and I slowly began to learn some of my student's names, the environment became more relaxed and progressively more exciting and interesting for both parties. And sure enough, I became cocky.

Now, on a side note, you must know I have been doing a study on the New Testament in Seoul, and the teacher of this study is..quite insightful and dynamic. She catches my attention in new ways! She said something the other day that really struck me, on a personal level- it gave me hope. She said, "God is going to keep giving us the same tests over and over- until we pass those test...he wants us to pass!"

I have had, over the years, a circular theme within my faith lifestyle. I have loved God deeply and ached to know more...then gotten cocky...made whatever i was doing about me (somehow, I was quite creative)...and then I would be humbled by God in some (Sarah made dramatic) crash of pride. Thick headed I am.

A Sunday ago, I was excited to share my bible study experience with Lauren, so Lauren and I jumped on the Subway and shipped ourselves over to Saejunang church. We arrived, and having my beloved Lauren by my side I was more than excited to show her how great this study had become (Perhaps for me, and not the glory of God). We sat down for study...and no one said a thing. It was like Michelin "flipping" J Frog (that frog from the WB who only dances when no one is watching) I had to pull teeth ....and anyone who knows me, knows that when things get quiet ..and I get nervous --I babble. poor poor korean students.

The study ended..and I was discouraged. The following Sunday I was feeling rather blue. I was not interested in shipping myself off to church, let alone ministering to others. I did not want to go, however I went, purely out of obligation. I arrived at church and told my senior that I was not going to be teaching the study this Sunday...he was visibly disappointed. I reassured myself, as I walked away, that I deserved this break. I work hard all week, and then I spend my weekends serving this church. By the time I reached my seat I had justified myself enough that I felt alright with my decision. I was pleased that I could just go home after a long week....and then God spoke.

It's not about you Sarah. Church is not about you. You are here to worship me. hmmmm

I was wrong. I was struck. I was confused. Pulling out was the wrong choice. It's wasn't about me. Now I have heard this before, and felt that in many areas of my life, I was fairly good at reserving selfish natures, hahaha. I am very good at making myself feel better with lies. If I was breathing, I should be serving. There is no grey area to this statement.
I walked up to my senior, and told him I would be there- perhaps not happily...however I would be there.

I arrived. I sat. We began. God worked. My heart melted just being in the presence of young hearts owned by Jesus. I was renewed by their love and willingness to learn. I was honest with the group. I said that I almost didn't come, that I was going to bail. I told them that God has spoken to me - very cleary.
As the evening progressed, one of the guys who I have been working with spoke up. You must know, that within the first study, he told me his faith was small. He was the student who would ask hard questions, and doubt the answers given by the bible. This night, he said “Sarah, this chapter changed my life. I am changed this very night."

I was floored.

Over and over and over again the bible speaks of us being prepared, and that if we are ready and obedient God will work through our preparedness. God speaks of our willingness to serve, and his actions will prevail through our service. The success of a study does not depend on my abilities, rather God's ability to use my willingness, and obedience. It's not about my words-- my materials-- my humor--- my anything. I was grumpy, and sick, and lonesome, and irritable (OH old roommates and family...you know what this looks like)! I was not "Bible study material," but I was obedient. I passed the test: FINALLY I GET IT!!!!! God must have looked down on his daughter (me) shook his head and said "FINALLY! She's a thick one eh?"

The night I brought Lauren, I was vibrant, and excited, and willing to wow with my teaching abilities. The study bombed. The night I was humble, and tired and weak- the glory of God was magnified through his power, his grace, and his way!

I am so excited with the refinement I am experiencing. I am so excited with the story being written in my student's lives. I am so excited that we have access to all of this, if only we would humble ourselves. Ovey! I am a proud peacock. You all know I am. How exciting is was to be humbled this way.
I wanted so badly to share God's glory with you!

Blessings!
Love from Korea!

2006-02-14T17:58:00.000-08:00

Thailand

The adventures of Thailand were those, which deserve a well written chapter in my online diary- however, the difficult thing about that chapter is that I have been having problems trying to find words.
The wordlessness of it all.

I took a class in my senior year which encouraged me to read a lot of modern fiction. The thing about modern fiction, (in the words of my beloved professor) is that "Modern fiction gives you the finger when you try to read it, it doesn't want you there- but that in itself makes you stay and read."
In this class we were "encouraged" to read "Passage to India," by Forester. Reading Forester's work was a physical experience: I was stirred by his writing. I have not felt those emotions since my reading, until Thailand.
Passage to India was magical. It made me read it- I had little choice it sucked me in ate me up, and spit me out indignantly when it was through with me. I had questions, and communication problems- it didn't care. It said "Do what you will with what I have shared," how profoundly intriguing.

Thailand was gentle in it’s approach- there was little spitting or chewing, however it left me asking questions. In Forester's book he speaks of the India (the land) “raping” a woman- actually physically assaulting this woman…it is a mystery the whole way though the book and deeply misunderstood if not read carefully…however I feel like Thailand had the same ability to personify itself- it was alive.

I think that it was an awakening within my small western mind. As a person who would like to consider myself "culturally aware," Thailand made me laugh at my naivety. I was humbled. We really don't know, and when I think I know- I don't. I don't know- I know less. I love what eastern countries are doing to me, I love that I have no idea what is going on in the life of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

It's thrilling to me, that I spent a day on the back of a motorcycle whipping through the lush palms of Surat Thani, having no idea where I was going, or who was driving my bike.

There are secrets. The people, the land, the food, the sea- filled with whispers, and centuries of stories. I could not place my finger on- it was like the people understood it- and the land understood itself- but I could not dig deep enough to truly understand all that Thailand had to offer me. uuurraahhhhgggg language has failed me.

Pictures perhaps?

love
s

2006-01-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

Norma J

My grandmother fell off a fence and into a pigpen when she was about three or four years old. At the age of three or four, I sat in her lap and looked at my grandmothers folded hand and wrist and rubbing it gently as she told me the curious story of it's disfigurement. She fell on her arm, her brother ran immediately to get her help (I always liked that part, i figured that is what older brothers should do- however I never had one..but I suspected mine would have to.) However, despite her brothers efforts, gram's arm was left in the care of a doctor who didn't do much- her hand set in this "L" shape- and made for a repetitive story time with her curious granddaughter.
One evening, about a month ago, I was wrapping presents, and because it was the beginning of my wrapping endeavor I took great care in measuring my paper, and folding my edges- and all that is included in the perfect wrapping job- I thought to myself: Gramie Rutherford would be proud. I distinctly recall seeing my grandmothers blue polyester pants staring back at me as she dug through her storage closet looking for boxes. She gently passed out the treasures of neatly saved and folded, not to mention used wrapping paper, scotch tape (the real stuff), and a bag of glorious plastic bows (the ones mom never bought). Together we carried our ingredients back to the big old kitchen table, where I was brought into the Grande tradition of impeccable wrapping and packing- it's the Rutherford way you know.

I remember watching her worn hands, one working, one remaining in it's "L" shape, hold down paper, places boxes, tape edges, fold corners, and place perfectly ever piece of that painted Christmas paper. Until finally her dance with wrapping was over, she gently asked me to place my index finger on the red ribbon she had looped around her package. She said, "Sarah hold your finger very still,” After seeing the seriousness of this wrapping event I held as still and as perfect as my little 6 year old self could. Let me tell you-- it was worth it, because gram soon informed me that the package was perfect (naturally due to my assistance), my father was sure to be impressed.

Me and gram: to be honest I cannot remember a time in my life, until now, where she was not a part- and a significant part at that. She would "let" me play dolls with her royal Dalton collections while she slept soundly in her bed, and when she awoke she would gently take them from my pudgy little hands and place them on a higher shelf. We would pick blueberries and make fresh muffins- where in I would eat both the blueberries and the batter before there were muffins, and when they were done, I would get the first one drenched in real butter and accompanied by a glass of milk in a gas station collectors glass (she had all 6).

She was the one who tucked me doubly even triply into her couch, so movement was not an option..and then placed her coffee table in front- for fear I may roll off. She was protective, however she loosened her grip long enough to allow Stewart and I to befriend all the ladies on her floor, and to take the new elevator to the ground with her garbage.

Stewart and I would ram sack her living room and makes forts of the most glorious invention, with afghans, fruit bowls and doors that accessed both the kitchen and tv. Gram was good to deliver toast at most any hour, and shake and bake was her expertise. We drove to Mother Brown's for taters, to Dairy Queen for ice-cream, and to the video store to visit cousin Angie. Grammie asked for nothing.

As Grammie aged, the adventures slowed down, but her beautiful lessons continued. She taught us all about patience, forgiveness and love. She watched as her family foolishly fought around her, and over her-- and she continued to love. She spent many nights alone, and many days with puzzles, and yet with patience she faced another day. When her family failed her, and her body failed her, and all that was left was her mind and sense of humor- she used it to make us feel better.

How are you gram?
I'm Old

and we would all chuckle.

When I told gram I was moving to South Korea she shook her head and inhaled with disapproval. She wanted to tuck me into her couch and pull out that coffee table again. In a way - I wanted to be tucked in. I would have been ok living in a fort on her floor, and you know she may have been ok with delivering toast forever- but time forced us out of our fort, and toasting making ways.

I kissed her on the head, and looked her in the eyes- and told her I loved her. She smiled- and responded with a simple "yes." We both knew it would be the last time we would see each other- we both chocked back tears, and we both said nothing more.

Receiving a phone call about her death was not surprising. We both knew- she and I, me and gram.

2005-12-25T15:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2005

One of my most loved Christmas traditions, aside from everything associated with the holiday, is the Muppets Christmas Carol. There is nothing to set me in the spirit of Emmanuel like a rat screaming "LIGHT THE LAMP NOT THE RAT!" The whole thing tickles me, and I am forced to give into the temptation of snorting and laughing uncontrollably like a mad woman. Yes, those who know me well know what this looks like. However, along with the rat and other precious Muppet type creatures, comes the Dickens moral of Christmas present. I must say, to be honest(snicker), although I recognized the moral of these widely published ideas, I did not really, in any way, ever apply their meaning to my own life. I figured I did not in any way, resemble a scrooge like figure. I mean would scrooge laugh at the rat joke...I think not.

I had not been, in the past or present, and I deduce will not in the future be visited by any of the ghosts written by Mister D, nightcap or no night cap. I would nod and smile-"Nice story Mister Dickens," and place it neatly beside frosty the snowman and Suzy snowflake (do you know her?) in my Christmas brain file.

Life application wonderments.
So I was talking to a friend of mine the other day- we had not spoken in a while, and although our conversation was short- his words were sweet and treacherous. I had mentioned during out conversation and I both envied and pitied him for being in our home town over the holiday season. Perplexing. As I wrote this to him I thought to myself, hey is this true? Strangely...it was. I was a fraction of a fraction relieved not to be at home with those that I love.
Interesting.

So then the next natural thing to do is question...why in fact I felt that way. Oh the ghosts that haunts me now. I think every year I ache a little for the things I use to have, the things I have, and the things I will receive. I look at old photos and miss the faces that smile on 4x6 papers. Perhaps the faces are a province or country away, perhaps we have drifted, perhaps they have died, perhaps we have broken up in some dramatic romantic adventure. A deep although happy sigh.

I look at my gifts, beautiful and heartfelt, especially the mug that says IGA wrapped with love from the Maple ridge elementary bizarre. There I sit amongst the paper and bows and I have a moment of guilt/ feeling of unworthiness- again happy- very blessed. I look at a moments and want to freeze frame, bottle, preserve, salt and save for a cloudy day in South Korea. Like, for example, when my mom caught one of her Christmas gifts on fire and rather than stomping it out she stood there and flapped like a bird..cawing for help- perhaps even fanning the fire. If that were not enough, Macheala steps up and flaps with her, and joins the cawing chorus. Superhero Sarah comes to the rescue tea in hand. Arriving on the scene to see there was a very large ball of fire on our floor, being so lovingly fanned by my freaking out family. Calm and level headed Sarah saves the day with a quick swoosh of her red rose. Good Times.

The thing about return home during the holiday season, is that you are forced to look Christmas past right straight in the eye. Home is where Christmas, in your world, began. There is no escaping the ghosts. Being in Korea this year, I placed a nice, convenient and healthy layer of ice around my Rutherford heart. Deep down inside I knew that if I even tempted my heart with memories of Christmas past, that my poor mortal heart would break. My ghosts are pleasant, much like scrooges ghosts, and I much like scrooge was not willing to visit with those ghosts...for fear of the repercussions. The conversation with the old friend stirred things in me that I had worked so hard to avoid. I was tempted to not open his email for fear it would chip away at my nice and convenient ice barrier. Avoidance lost again. To experience joy, we have to take those chances with our hearts. Stepping out in faith that our memories..Even though the pluck at our heart strings, they are worth the reflection. Love is a double sided coin, in that it hurts to love deeply, however its worth far outweighs its pain.

So the applicable nature of Mister Charles Dickens was much more substantial than I had ever anticipated. I resemble more Christmas "bad guys," than I would prefer. The conversation with Christmas past was one that pushed me to introspectively look at my icy ways, and the beauty of the risk.

Merry Christmas: Korea 2005

2005-12-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

Grinchlike in Korealand
When I was in fourth grade we sang this song for the Christmas concert, and the lyrics of this song have followed me every Christmas since. Now, I am unsure if it was the drilling methods of my music teacher, or if it was a Grinch like heartgrowing exercise that has made these words follow..me however...they have. If no other reason, that my mini revelation I am sharing with you-well I suppose I see worth in humming the little ditty for over 10 years. It goes like this:

"Christmas isn't Christmas until it happens in your heart, somewhere deep inside you is where Christmas really starts. So give your heart to Jesus and discover when you do....what Christmas - really, Christmas is to you."

Christmas in Korea 2005: The adventures of understanding and making Christmas my own.

I have been spoiled. I have had Christmas in a warm little house, filled with loud and abnoxious animals and children. I have made over 1000 gingerbreadmen, and perhaps eaten 800 of them. I have set up a tree on the day of my birth for 21 years, and I have brainwashed my youinger siblings into wanted the gifts I have chosen for them. In my small foreighn abode, I am far from my loud little Milfordinan home. It hasn't felt like Christmas...until recently. It's been too quiet- perhaps a little uneventful. I mean sure, I have been known to be the only girl on mainstreet busting a move to jingle bell rock (like I already don't stand out with my white skin and red cheeks), and I have sat on myt deck during the first snow, with my partner in crime....drinking tea and wearing glowing rudolph noses. All of this is fine and dandy...but where are my doodads, jinglehoppers and flufflerooos? I am missing the point.

Growing up is something else. I realized, this year I don't have the warm up to Chritsmas that I would normally have...I work until december 23rd..today, and don't have any extra time off.. Then I began to think...why do I need a warm upto worship my savior? Do I need a warm house and 1000 gingerbreadcookies to worship my savior? I should be worshipping my Savoir daily...no warm up required. This holiday isn't about how I feel at all....its about Jesus- and honoring that baby in a manger. Christmas will not be christmas in Korea....until it happens in my heart. Thank you Lord for opening my eyes to my selfish behavior~

Experiencing Christmas in Korea has grounded Christmas for me- in the complications of making my own Christmas dinner, and being "santa," I have gained a clear understanding of the simplicty that Christmas should be. Christmas, this year will include myself, a girl I don't know, my dear Lauren and my dear Nathaniel in my little apartment. We will rise Christmas morning and leave the gifts under the tree. We will go to the nearby fellowship and worship our Lord on the day of his birth. We want this. When have we ever wanted something so simple? I've pulled a grinch and given up my jinglehoppers and brainwashing games. I have exhaled..and perhaps really understand for the first time ever.

We can't make Christmas happen....we have to let it happen.
For I bring you good news of great joy to all the nations, for unto you borne this day in the city of david, is a son..a savior..a king.

2005-12-19T20:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the world of online secret sharing. It's funny because I remember when I thought Blogs were really quite stupid. I could not- for the life of me, understand why a person would write a journal online...really isn't that fishing for something? However, theses days(that one was for you Lauren) it seems like more of a newsletter about those you love, minus the grammar and other valuable newsletter type details.

So- thanks to Nicole W for her threatning IM's...and for long afternoons in Korealand..being a "teacher."

Blessings me loves