Sick and Tired!

As of late I have been working with a church in Pyeongcheon. The church is GINORMOUS, but the ministry that I am associated with is very very small. I have been blessed with a small bible study with Korean teenagers. Now, teaching ANYTHING, let alone the bible to a person in their second language is not an easy task. We have a great time trying to figure each other out. I am quite an impressive player of charades, and my pictionary skills are second to none! (if I do say so myself:))

With that pat on the back, I will assert, thatI started teaching this study with a humble disposition. I was unsure, and quiet (I know I know, am I ever quiet?). As the Sunday's progressed and I slowly began to learn some of my student's names, the environment became more relaxed and progressively more exciting and interesting for both parties. And sure enough, I became cocky.

Now, on a side note, you must know I have been doing a study on the New Testament in Seoul, and the teacher of this study is..quite insightful and dynamic. She catches my attention in new ways! She said something the other day that really struck me, on a personal level- it gave me hope. She said, "God is going to keep giving us the same tests over and over- until we pass those test...he wants us to pass!"

I have had, over the years, a circular theme within my faith lifestyle. I have loved God deeply and ached to know more...then gotten cocky...made whatever i was doing about me (somehow, I was quite creative)...and then I would be humbled by God in some (Sarah made dramatic) crash of pride. Thick headed I am.

A Sunday ago, I was excited to share my bible study experience with Lauren, so Lauren and I jumped on the Subway and shipped ourselves over to Saejunang church. We arrived, and having my beloved Lauren by my side I was more than excited to show her how great this study had become (Perhaps for me, and not the glory of God). We sat down for study...and no one said a thing. It was like Michelin "flipping" J Frog (that frog from the WB who only dances when no one is watching) I had to pull teeth ....and anyone who knows me, knows that when things get quiet ..and I get nervous --I babble. poor poor korean students.

The study ended..and I was discouraged. The following Sunday I was feeling rather blue. I was not interested in shipping myself off to church, let alone ministering to others. I did not want to go, however I went, purely out of obligation. I arrived at church and told my senior that I was not going to be teaching the study this Sunday...he was visibly disappointed. I reassured myself, as I walked away, that I deserved this break. I work hard all week, and then I spend my weekends serving this church. By the time I reached my seat I had justified myself enough that I felt alright with my decision. I was pleased that I could just go home after a long week....and then God spoke.

It's not about you Sarah. Church is not about you. You are here to worship me. hmmmm

I was wrong. I was struck. I was confused. Pulling out was the wrong choice. It's wasn't about me. Now I have heard this before, and felt that in many areas of my life, I was fairly good at reserving selfish natures, hahaha. I am very good at making myself feel better with lies. If I was breathing, I should be serving. There is no grey area to this statement.
I walked up to my senior, and told him I would be there- perhaps not happily...however I would be there.

I arrived. I sat. We began. God worked. My heart melted just being in the presence of young hearts owned by Jesus. I was renewed by their love and willingness to learn. I was honest with the group. I said that I almost didn't come, that I was going to bail. I told them that God has spoken to me - very cleary.
As the evening progressed, one of the guys who I have been working with spoke up. You must know, that within the first study, he told me his faith was small. He was the student who would ask hard questions, and doubt the answers given by the bible. This night, he said “Sarah, this chapter changed my life. I am changed this very night."

I was floored.

Over and over and over again the bible speaks of us being prepared, and that if we are ready and obedient God will work through our preparedness. God speaks of our willingness to serve, and his actions will prevail through our service. The success of a study does not depend on my abilities, rather God's ability to use my willingness, and obedience. It's not about my words-- my materials-- my humor--- my anything. I was grumpy, and sick, and lonesome, and irritable (OH old roommates and family...you know what this looks like)! I was not "Bible study material," but I was obedient. I passed the test: FINALLY I GET IT!!!!! God must have looked down on his daughter (me) shook his head and said "FINALLY! She's a thick one eh?"

The night I brought Lauren, I was vibrant, and excited, and willing to wow with my teaching abilities. The study bombed. The night I was humble, and tired and weak- the glory of God was magnified through his power, his grace, and his way!

I am so excited with the refinement I am experiencing. I am so excited with the story being written in my student's lives. I am so excited that we have access to all of this, if only we would humble ourselves. Ovey! I am a proud peacock. You all know I am. How exciting is was to be humbled this way.
I wanted so badly to share God's glory with you!

Blessings!
Love from Korea!